February Love Letter: The Last 5% of Effort
The Last 5% of Effort is Everything.
Question: What's your relationship to completion?
My track record is a somewhat of a mixed bag. Don't get me wrong I finish things, projects, artwork, courses. However, I swear the last 5% of a project takes me almost just as long as the first 95%. I struggle with the last part of the execution.
Bringing things to completion is a Metal Element Requirement, and I don't naturally have a lot of Metal in my constitution. Though I've learned to cultivate some with practice and diligence.
What I do have in abundance naturally is a lot of Water in my chart and this can mean that I am far more excited about new ideas and directions than I am about finishing something to take it off my plate. In the beginning this isn't such a big deal I can balance the pull to finish and start things with ease, however, as more unfinished projects start to pile up and life and all of its required attention, there is a tendency for them to bleed over and steal my capacity to occupy the space required to dream and initiate something new. And this doesn't work for me. I am lost without a deep connection to my inner water.
So, I have been challenging myself to bring completion to what I start a lot this past year. Attempting to put out a collection of original work out into the world. Trying to complete a new piece every month, with some success. Learning the ins and outs of being able to offer prints so that my work can be accessible all while still being present and accessible in my practice.
Through this, I've learned that this idea of struggling to finish things that I start isn't necessarily true. At least not in the way that I've been telling myself for most of my life. My struggle lies with the feelings and programming that surfaces as I get closer to the finish line.
As soon as I can feel the end on the horizon I find myself;
Navigating my feelings of being enough and worthy of my dreams and desires. I ruminate on the imperfections to the point that they can sabotage my work. Overworking art and even a sentence is a real thing. It is the very same as over treating a patient (something that many new practitioners find themselves struggling with).
As I near that last 5% I can feel myself faltering and believing that I should hide my work, my writing, myself away. That others perform, convey, know and share so much better than I could possibly and therefore, I shouldn't bother....Does this sound familiar?
The more that I sit in this, I can feel the armour begin to form around my heart and my expression. Reminders of previous failures, where my effort and excitement weren't reciprocated with success or validation in the way that I expected. Which only further constricts my expression and ability to bring things to completion.
Sit in this place too long, numbness and apathy are the only logical companions to take hold and I lose all sense of time. Did I just waste a whole morning, day, week, or month. Yup I definitely did.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes when something is near its completion it requires you to step away and give it some time to breathe, that way you can get out of your head and look at it from a different lens or perspective.
When done with this intention the time and space can offer you that epiphany. Allowing that missing piece, if there was one to fall perfectly into place. Or offer you the realization that your project is indeed done and ready to be signed and sold. Cut the strings that are holding you back and share it already!
To move it from over-thinking and sabotage to a state of grace and surrender, it's my experience, that this only happens when I can shake free of my doubt, and engage with the stories and warped beliefs that I hold about myself. Instead reaffirm my commitment to my work and be fully connected to my authentic expression.
To finish that last 5% requires that I engage with the whole 100% of my inner landscape and find my way back to me and why I started the project in the first place. Outcome be damed, that wasn't the point of the expression anyways. That is the practice. This is the work. And I'm really proud of what pours out of me when I do.
Journal Prompt
What is my relationship to completing projects and my creative expression?
What stories, beliefs or memories surface as I near the completion of my project or goal?
What tools, rituals or practices can support me as I continue to move forward with my goals, directions and projects.
I want to hear from you. What is your relationship? What surfaces when you find yourself nearing the end of your pursuits? Share it with me via email or on my socials, I would love to cheer you on.
XO
Ashley